Spreading Herpes to a Partner

Question:

I was dating a guy for about two months. Before anything sexual happened we had "the talk". He didn’t know anything about Herpes so I did my best to explain it to him.

He is a professional, well educated 48 year old man. I had been married for 10 years and also in a relationship with a man for 1 year that I’ve had unprotected sex with – both their choice. Neither of these men ever showed symptoms which made me feel better about not spreading it. Although I am fully aware someone can carry the virus and not show symptoms.

I was with this man less than ten times and he chose not to use a condom twice. The last conversation we had was him telling me he had contracted the disease and needed time to figure out how he felt about it.

Up to this point we had a very open honest relationship. I told him I’d give him the time and space he needed. It’s been a week and I haven’t heard a word from him. In the meantime I’ve decided that if he does want to continue the relationship I don’t think I’d be doing it for the right reasons. I don’t see a future with him.

I feel guilty, but also know I did my part telling him ahead of time.

Should I have done more?

Response:

I don’t know the extent of what you told him about Herpes, but you did tell him and he’s a grown up. He made his decision. He could have done more research on his own if he felt he needed more information.

Do you know if he was tested prior to you two becoming intimate?

How was he recently diagnosed?

Without knowing the answers to those questions, I have to wonder if he really did get a Herpes outbreak and if he did, do you really even know he got it from you?

It’s a shame you’re feeling guilty right now. You’ve done nothing wrong.

Obviously I don’t know if he would feel that you led him on–and I’m only talking about your feelings for him and the direction/duration of the relationship, not about HSV.

If there’s no major commitment, feelings change. I wouldn’t feel too bad about wanting to end it if that’s how you feel.

Genital herpes due to HSV-1

Question:

I have read that about 50% of primary outbreak cases of genital herpes are caused by HSV-1. Wow, this surprised me as the figures are huge and probably millions of Americans are infected with genital herpes caused by HSV-1.

My questions are, do they reoccur frequently, or the breakouts keep coming back for a small percentage of people. While many would only get primary outbreaks and hardly anything after that.

Is not having oral sex the only way of not passing the infection to others.

Answer:

I know it’s correct that HSV-I is the cause of 1/3 to 1/2 of the NEW genital Herpes cases.

It’s not certain if it’s correct that of all genital Herpes cases, 90% are HSV-II and 10% are HSV-I. But if that stat is correct, it could still make sense that when you include ALL the old, existing genital Herpes cases, HSV-II still makes up the bulk of them, even if among the NEW cases, HSV-I is contributing to nearly half of them.

Yes, abstaining from receiving oral sex from partners who have OHSV-I or using barrier protection is the only way to really prevent the chance of getting GHSV-I. But, typically GHSV-I is milder, causing fewer outbreaks, sometimes less severe OBs, and the rate of asymptomatic shedding is very low, making transmission of GHSV-I rare in the absence of symptoms.

HSV Strains

Many people are concerned about the transmission of herpes when both partners has it. It is my understanding from all the reading I’ve done that:

If both people have the same type (1 or 2) genitally, then they are safe to have sex without concern. It is true that there is a small possibility that a person could acquire more than one strain, but research indicates that even if this does happen, there is no clinical significance to that event.

The person who has HSV 2 genitally is highly unlikely to get HSV 1 genitally. The research suggests the chances are about 1 in 55,000. However, the person who has HSV 1 genitally can still get HSV 2 genitally.